I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
