I bet he comes in French.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
