I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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