You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
