Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
