I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
