I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
