I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
there's paper in my vomit.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
