She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize