I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
