your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
