hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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