So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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