It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
