Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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