Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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