Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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