I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
