Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
