I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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