Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
