Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
