You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
