Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
