so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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