once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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