so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
