How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
