thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
