you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
