Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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