Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
