Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
