She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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