I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am spending my child support on dildos
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize