do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
