Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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