i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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