no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Pants are for mortals
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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