I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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