Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
