what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
