I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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