Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
