like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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