I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I believe in your delicious
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
