Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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