She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
