he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
