every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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