not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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