The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
