You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
