the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
