last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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