Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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