...so i touched it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize