i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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