Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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