You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
