my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
