Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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