can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
