I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize