hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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