So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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