OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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