you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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