God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
