Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
