If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
