I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
