I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
