I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
