we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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