Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
