I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
