I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
