sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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