Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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