Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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