Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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