you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
