Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
