I just cut my nipple shaving
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize