Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
