If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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