I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
