its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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