I met the friendliest cop last night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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