I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
