proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
