i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
