Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
