he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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