i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
