$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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