mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
