we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
