Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
