As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
