Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
