Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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