he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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