I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
