Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
