I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
