I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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