But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
