the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
