I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
