thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
