That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
