He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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