he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
