All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
