Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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