Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
