You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
