I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am naked and annoyed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
