I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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